I’m Not Perfect

I am not even close to being perfect.  I can look back at my life and pick out so many things and times that I wish I could go back and change.  I would like to think all my mistakes make me smarter, but sometimes I have to wonder.  The trick is, to learn from my mistakes and not make them again.

From dating to jobs to moving around, I have make mistakes in all areas.  Some of them are just embarrassing, some of them hurt others, and some of them are hard to move past.  I wouldn’t say that I dwell on my mistakes but I do think about and evaluate them often, and this weekend I had to do some self-review.  I’m hoping that they will be learning experiences, and not just me being stupid (I think that is one of the reasons that I think about them, so they had a purpose).  As I look back, I think the most important lesson I learned is that I will make mistakes. 

In relationships, there were many.  Along the way, I should have fought harder for some of the relationships that I had.  For some of the relationships, I never should have gotten involved in the first place.  Learning how to love and be loved is a hard process.  Also learning what a healthy relationship looks like is tough.  I must admit I’m still working on that one, but communication seems to be the key.   Often times, in a relationship, I lost who I was trying to hold on to someone that wasn’t going to stay around anyway.  In still other relationships, I held back trying to protect myself from being hurt again, and that didn’t work well either.

In friendships, I tend to be very loyal, and I got taken advantage of a time or two.  I again tried to make others happy, by saying or doing what they wanted in the hope that they would stay my friend.  Eventually that gets old and things have to change.  I have also taken advantage of situations, not been as honest as I should have been.  I regret my faults ( and there are many) but I also have to admit that they are part of me. 

As I go through this journey of trying to stay happy for life, I have to look back on all the events, good and bad, that got me to his point.  I have to think about my successes and my failures, my happy and my sad moments, and use that information to move forward, and continue to grow.  Theodore Roosevelt said that “the more you know about the past, the better prepared you are for the future”.  Martin Luther King said “we are not the makers of history.  We are made by history.”  These great men both understood that history is important as we move forward.

What’s your history?  What are you proud of?  What are you not so proud of?  Would you change anything if it meant you might not be where you are today?  For all my faults, and moments of not being perfect, I don’t think I would change anything if it meant I wouldn’t be talking to you today.  Everything that’s happened to me is now a part of me and it will shape who I become tomorrow.  It’s my choice how to use my experience and I’m hoping that all my mistakes and faults can help someone make different choices for their future.