Recovering from Divorce

I’m reminded often about how divorce can affect someone’s life.  Whether the separation is due to an affair, violence, conflict, or other issues, it’s a painful time for people going through it.  The couple is affected, but so are family members, friends, children, coworkers, and others.  There is sadness, depression, emotional and even physical pain at times, and it’s a lot to recover from for everyone.  For the couple, it changes how they manage relationships, how they manage money, and how they manage trust.  Recovering from divorce can be a long process, and might require support, but in the end, recovery is possible.

Some marriages come apart because of trust issues.  Those trust issues can be new, or from a lifetime of problem relationships.  Sometimes going into relationships, past relationships haven’t be resolved.  When you carry past baggage into new relationships the relationships might be doomed before they start.  As you separate and leave your relationship, make sure that you process and put all the issues to rest that you had a result.  No matter what the reasons for the divorce, inventory what happened.  Do yourself a favor and take responsibility for your part.  Relationships don’t end, usually, just because of one person (unless there is violence involved).  Get help if you need it to get your head together, evaluate your ability to trust again, and understand who you are now.

Financially, going through a divorce can devastate your financial status.  From dividing assets to changes in income, adjusting is important to make sure that your future is secure.  Don’t lose sight of your future and what you would like it to be.  Make sure that you are saving for retirement.  Go back to school if you feel that is what you want to do.  Change careers, or start the career that you have always wanted.  Take some time to think about your financial future and get some advice from someone you trust.

Divorce seems to be the most devastating on an emotional level.  If you were the person that was left, you can have emotional wounds that need time to heal.  If you did the leaving, depending on why you left, you can also have wounds that need to heal.  Divorce takes an emotional toll and can lead to anxiety and/or depression, or other mental health issues.  It has an affect on confidence, self-esteem, and can be a cancer to future relationships if not addressed.  If you walk into a new relationship, with low self-esteem or other mental health issues it can have a negative effect on any new relationships.  You can be overly suspicious and do things to sabotage a good relationship.   I worked with a woman that had been married for many years, but after her husband had an affair and they divorced, she struggled to resolve the loss.  She started a new relationship with a good man, but after checking his phone repeatedly, and accusing him of an affair that he never had, he left because he couldn’t take the behavior.  She may have lost a possibly healthy relationship because she wasn’t ready.

Recovering from divorce is difficult, and can take a while.  Take the time to evaluate what happened, to plan for your future, and to recover emotionally from the loss.  People don’t get married with the idea that the relationship will end in divorce.  No matter the reason, there can be a feeling of betrayal when a relationship comes to an end, and blame for the other person, but that doesn’t help get past the loss.  Take some time, get some help if you need it, and recover before getting into a new relationship.  It’s all part of being happy in the future, and for life.