Mara was asleep when she heard Noah crying out and rushed to his room. Noah had a nightmare, but Mara didn’t want to rush him back to bed like her mother did to her.

She climbed into his bed, holding him tightly. His hair was damp with sweat and his eyes still caught somewhere between worlds.

“I dreamed you forgot me,” he said.

Her heart broke quietly, the way things break when they’ve already cracked. She remembered feeling the same way with her mother, and even a dream she had that her mother left her alone in their house and never came back. She remembered how she felt before her divorce, being worried that John would leave, and then understanding that she needed him gone.

She looked at Noah again and tried to figure out what she needed at six. She thought about all the things that would have been comforting to her and went absolutely blank. She knew she needed to reassure him but decided to keep it simple.

She pulled him close. “I could never forget you.”

“But what if you did?” he whispered.

Mara paused.

She thought about lying, about promising certainty where none existed. But she also thought about honesty, not in an over explanation kind of way, but in a simple reassurance kind of way.

“Even if I ever mess up, or you mess up” she said carefully, “my love for you doesn’t go away. It stays. Always.”

He relaxed against her, trust growing in his small body.

She stayed with him until he drifted off, back to a slumber that would help him feel safe she hoped. Mara stared at the ceiling, thinking about all the times she’d needed to hear the same exact sentence from her own mother, from John.

She was still healing. She still flinched at raised voices. She still overprepared and overthought and occasionally spiraled out of control.

But now, she noticed.

She named things.

She apologized when she snapped. She modeled repair, hope and stability as best she could. She showed him that feelings could exist without catastrophe. She wasn’t giving him a perfect childhood. She was giving him a conscious one, filled with love and compassion. One where emotions weren’t emergencies or things to be avoided. One where fear was accepted and normalized. One where love didn’t disappear in silence or only happen in peace. She wanted to show him that love existed in chaos and didn’t disappear with fear or conflict.

Weeks later, Noah came home from school grinning.

“I told my friend something,” he announced.

“What did you tell him?” she asked.

“That when my brain tells me scary stuff, it doesn’t mean it’s true,” he said proudly. “And that I can ask for help.”

Mara felt tears sting her eyes.

That night, after he fell asleep, she stood outside his door again.

The house was quiet, except for the dishwasher running again in the background.

But this time, the quiet didn’t feel like something she had to brace against or fear.

It felt earned, safe.

She rested her hand against the doorframe, breathing him in, bringing herself back into the present, a present that she was creating for herself and for him.

Healing wasn’t finished. They both had a long way to go.

But it was happening.

And this time, it wasn’t just for her.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Parenting is one of the most important things a person will ever do.  It is never easy and kids don’t come with instructions.  They come with their own ideas, personalities, and goals. Parents have the ability to shape their children into strong healthy adults, but they can also, unfortunately, make them fearful and weak.

I have always said that some people are successful because of their parents and some are successful in spite of them. Whatever issues that you developed from your family tree, you have the ability to recover, get stronger, and make your future whatever you want it to be.

We all have issues, and on some level we are all broken in different ways.  Some of us are more broken than others, but we all have the ability to heal, to love, and to live our own truth. You are never too old to make changes in your life. You are never too old to get help if you need it.  You are never too old to change your behavior. You are never too old to improve your relationships, and you are never too old to find your happiness. It’s all part of being happy, for life.