Sarah sat at her kitchen table, surrounded by bills.  She was working on her bills for the month, and she was worried.  She opened her checkbook to find a number that she didn’t want to see.  Her rent and utilities were paid, but she was worried about her credit cards and her car payment.  She looked again at the balance in her account and let out a big sigh.

Sarah started looking at her credit card statements. She reviewed her charge from Amazon, and from a recent trip she took.  She thought about her trip, and the money she spent on a hotel and eating out.  She thought about the things she bought and about the expensive purse that she bought for herself. She remembered that the trip was rainy, and she didn’t even get to sit in the hot tub during her stay.

She reserved the hotel for the hot tub, but when she arrived, she quickly found that the hot tub wasn’t working.  The pool was nice, but she was looking forward to the hot tub. The room was nice, but the family in the next room was loud. It was nice to get away, but it wasn’t the vacation that she needed. She didn’t like being alone, and not having anyone to share the experience.

She continued to review her credit card statements and noted the charges from Amazon. She and the Amazon driver were becoming friends for all the wrong reasons, and she started to regret it as she added the charges together in her head.  She looked around her apartment at the things that she had purchased and thought about all the things she couldn’t see.  She had things still in the boxes they came in, sitting in a closet that she was going to open later.

Sarah thought about the clothes in her closet.  She thought about the shoes, and accessories that still had the tags attached.  She looked at her credit card statements and the quick computation of what she spent the month before on stuff made her sad. She could see it was a problem.

Sarah had been in therapy before, years ago, and she remembered her therapist talking to her about her spending. The therapist connected her spending to her depression.  She was spending to make herself feel better but it never seemed to work. She thought about the last few months, and her depression was increasing, although she didn’t know why at the moment.

Sarah did know that she needed to get a handle on her spending, and her mental health.  She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she had to try.  She didn’t want to allow things to get worse, and she couldn’t get to the point where she couldn’t cover her bills. Not having enough to cover her bills was not an option. The thought made her feel even worse.

Sarah thought about her depression and her previous therapy.  Her therapist asked her often to rate her level of depression.  When she left therapy, she rated her depression at around 2-3.  She had sadness but it wasn’t hard to manage at the time.  She had to think about her depression in present time, and it had increased to 6-7.  She thought about how that played into her spending, and she needed to get it under better control.

Sarah got up from the kitchen table and walked to the bathroom.  She looked herself in the eye and told herself to get things together and fix this.  The action made her laugh but it helped to get her focused.  She had work to do, and she needed to figure out how to make it happen.  She looked at herself again, sternly, and told herself that she could do this.  She knew it would not be easy, but she also knew that she had to make it happen.