Over the years, I tried to plan activities for my family that I thought they would enjoy. Traveling helps my mental health and I enjoy a good adventure. Getting out makes me feel less trapped. My family traveled often growing up, and from my perspective, it seemed to go well. I don’t know if my parents experienced the same thing, but when I tried traveling with my husband and children, often it didn’t go well. Most of my ideas of fun just made my family miserable, much of the time.

A few years ago, I planned a trip for my birthday.  I love camping, and have great memories of camping as a kid.  I wanted to take my family camping so I planned a trip, rented a motor home, and packed my little heart out and set off to have some fun.  But what made me excited didn’t work the same for my family.

I think the trip was doomed before we left the house.  My husband was in a foul mood, and my kids struggled with his anxiety.  It really seemed that he didn’t want to go, but we all piled in the car and off we went.  We made it to the place to pick up the motor home, and he hated it.  Nothing went right after that.  We got to our campsite, struggled through set up (hadn’t had a motor home before, so I planned for that but he didn’t).  Got everything set up, but by that time the trip was over.

I learned a lot about myself and my family that day.  I have tried so hard to make new experiences for my kids to make them well rounded, but what makes me happy, doesn’t make them happy.  Traveling with my husband is tricky, and his depression and anxiety sometimes get the best of him, but I try to overcome.  I don’t remember a trip for us that went really well, when my husband was with us.  It makes it really hard for my kids, seeing their father struggle, and harder for me trying to help them understand isn’t not their fault.

As for me, I’m a therapist.  It’s my job to help people feel better, but I can’t do that for my family, or my husband.  I’m not sure what makes him happy, but camping isn’t it.  I am a glass half full type person.  I can be okay in any situation, but sometimes I forget that not everyone can do that.  Many of the people I see for therapy have issues that keep them from being able to see the glass half full.  I offer skills, review past success, and encourage positive thoughts, but when I try to help my family, sometimes I bomb.

Being happy for me has changed over the years, as it will for you.  I’m learning to be happy, in spite of those around me.  Don’t get me wrong, I still try when it comes to my family, but not like I used to.  Taking the time to focus on myself has become important.  Giving myself permission to think about doing things for me, not just for my family, is something I’m not very good at.  I have to think about things in a different way, and still do for my family, but also for myself.

Even though the camping trip was a bust, and other trips have had their issues, I still managed to have a good time when I plan a trip.  My goals for outings have changed. I now offer adventures to my kids, and they will enjoy or not, but I enjoy them. My husband is better, but still doesn’t travel well, so I do more without him.  I still enjoy traveling, and as my children get older, I do more alone. As you think about what you enjoy, find ways to do what you enjoy, even if you have to do it alone. It’s nice to have people who enjoy the same things, but don’t sit at home because you don’t have people with whom you can share. Do what you enjoy! It’s all part of being happy, for life.