So you are ready to plan a new vacation.  You really need this vacation because things have been hard at work and you really need to get away.  You want to plan a nice get away for you and your family, but the planning is harder than you thought.  You sit down with your spouse, and he’s worried about everything, flying, a hotel, and a rental car.   He seems to be putting up road blocks, and sabotaging the trip before it even begins.  When you have someone with anxiety in your family, planning things from vacations to what to have for dinner can be complicated and hard, but it can be done.

                Like depression, anxiety makes things more difficult for people who carry the diagnosis.  That means that those around them have to manage expectations.  That doesn’t mean that the family of a person with anxiety needs to lower expectations, just manage them.  Like depression, being realistic about events is key.  If you expect that on vacation, everything will go without issues, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Plan for times when your loved one doesn’t want to leave the room.  Plan for times when eating is an adventure in “this is awful” and sending food back.  Plan for negative response to events, and have fun anyway.  Develop a plan to have a good time, no matter what issues come up, and manage expectations in a way that helps you have a wonderful time.

                Self-care also becomes an important skill.  That may mean going on vacation alone.  It may also mean traveling alone if you enjoy traveling.  I think traveling alone can be very helpful.  It may bring sadness that you can’t enjoy your experience with your loved one, but it’s important that you follow your goals and dreams with or without your loved one.  We have talked a lot about taking care of yourself, and that’s important, but when you are caring for someone with anxiety it makes it all that more important.

                Working with families where anxiety is an issue is an education.  Each person with anxiety is different.  Some have issues with the unknown.  Others have issues with things they can’t control.  Some people with severe anxiety can’t leave the house without checking things multiple times, and stressing about things when they are away.  They are uncomfortable in a hotel room, or in situations that are unknown.  They also might not be able to make decisions, making planning anything hard.  This is where boundaries come in to the picture.  As you learn how to manage boundaries, you will learn how to make any planning easier.

                If you have someone in your family that has anxiety, whether it’s a spouse or a child, manage your expectations, practice good self-care, and understand that caring for yourself might mean doing things alone.  You can still love someone, and do things alone.  They need to do things that help them feel better, but so do you.  Find what makes you happy and share what you can.  Your happiness depends on it.  It’s part of being happy, for life.