Being with family is supposed to be happy and relaxing.  You are focused on each other and sharing memories and happy times.  Being together for holidays and spending quality time on vacations helps keep families connected.  You support each other through tough times, and you enjoy the happy times and events with pride and love.  That’s what they talk about in the story books, but what happens when you have a family member that has mental health issues, like depression.  Providing support for someone with depression can be taxing and difficult at times, but it can also be okay.

                One of the most important things when it comes to caring for a family member with depression is making sure that your self-care is strong.  There will be many times when you may need to do things alone.  In working with couples and other families, they talk about the person with depression not wanting to go on outings.  Going on vacation can be hard as the person with depression hesitates to go out for site seeing and other activities.  Understand that they don’t try to make things bad on purpose.   They are struggling with a very real condition, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good time.

                Adjusting expectations is also important.  If you have been with your family member for some time, you understand them.  Hopefully you know what situations cause to most issues.  Make adjustments accordingly.  With one family, the father had severe depression and was sleeping a lot.  He rarely sat with the family, and often just sat and watched TV.  He struggled to engage with others, and when the family scheduled a vacation they talked about whether he would go.  They talked about expectations and agreed that the father would attend events as he could, but the other family would site see and enjoy the trip.  They returned and all had a good time, even the father.  They are learning to adjust and adapt, and still having a good time.

                There will be days when things go well, and other days when things just don’t.  Managing expectations is one of the keys, but you also may need help.  Many times, people with depression don’t want to seek help, or take medication.  Many times, however, medication and counseling make all the difference in the world, if not for the person with depression but for you.  I have worked with many people struggling to help a loved with issues.  Having someone to talk with can help you feel better about the situation and help you manage your own mental health.  It’s so hard to watch a loved one struggle, so get support for yourself if you need it and for your loved one if they will accept it.

                Caring for family members is hard enough, but helping someone with depression makes things is more complicated.  Having support makes all the difference but having realistic expectations is important too.   Make sure your self-care is good, and protect your own mental health.   It’s all part of being happy, for life.