Getting into relationships is hard, but getting out of a relationship can be harder at times.   Skills needed to develop a relationship, like good communication skills, appropriate boundaries, and some common sense, can help you get into a relationship but can also help you get out.  Whether it’s your decision or your partner’s decision to end the relationship, safety should be priority.   When you make that transition, take time to take care of yourself, and remember that the future is still bright, and anything is possible.

                Unfortunately, people are most at risk of violence at the end of a relationship than any other time.  If you are ending the relationship, the hope is that you know your partner and what they might be capable of, but you may not understand their issues fully.  Domestic violence statistics indicate that leaving a relationship increases the possibility of violence, to the point of risk of death, significantly.   Make sure that you are communicating with family, planning for your safety, and managing your important papers like your birth certificate.  If you need assistance, please get help from an domestic violence advocacy organization to stay safe.

                So what happens if your ex keeps trying to take advantage of you by seducing you for sex?  This is where boundaries become very important.  If you aren’t worried about “friends with benefits” while you look for a new partner that you can plan a future with, then by all means, do what you need to do.  By if the events are confusing and painful, stay away.  If you are still talking about getting back together, then meet in a neutral place, not the apartment or home of your partner.  Find a restaurant, where you can talk and really communicate about your issues, if that’s what needed.  Be careful when your partner wants to hold hands, and talk about future while nibbling on your ear, but then doesn’t call you for days.  Many people get used for sex at the end of a relationship, but if that affects your mental health and makes it harder for you to move on, protect yourself and don’t let it happen.  I know it’s hard, but it will help you move forward.

                When you think about leaving a relationship, remember that you will likely grieve the relationship, just like a death.  You will go through phases, like anger, depression, and bargaining.  You will also experience denial about the end of the relationship, waking up and wanting to text your partner.   Everything changes and there are behavioral changes including having to break the habit of following their social media.   Watching the social media brings up that the person is moving on, and can be bad for your mental health.  Find other ways to care for yourself as your grieve, with more positive ways and support from friends and family.

                Many people feel scared and alone when they come out of a relationship.  If you were left, the feelings can be overwhelming, but if you left the issues can also be significant.   I believe that people who love each other end relationships every day, because as much as they each other, there are hurdles that they can’t overcome.  Don’t be afraid to be single for a while.  Develop your new goals and support, and remember that things will get better.  Find things you enjoy doing, and friends to go with to have some fun.  Keep working on your happiness, and get help if you need it.  It’s all part of being happy, for life.