Change is hard for anyone, and when you start to try to change your life, it can be hard to make changes that will last.  I have worked with so many people who want to make changes in their lives.  So why not just make changes? It can’t be that hard, right?  Making lasting changes, when you are stuck in a rut, is harder than you think. Sometimes you need help, and a push in the right direction to find your happily ever after.

Often times while working with someone in therapy, I use analogies to try to help someone develop a new view of something.  I often talk about changing a habit by talking about a car.  If you took a car into the desert and drove in circles for a long time, the wheels would create tracks in the dirt.  If you drive in the same circle long enough, the car would remain in the tracks, even if you took your hands off the wheel.  When you decided it is time to go a different direction, or just wanted to stop going in circles, getting out those tracks was going to be more difficult. The longer you have been driving that way, the harder to change direction.

As you start to try to pull the car out of the tracks, it might end up back there again.  You might have to work at it for a while to make a long term change, but it can be done.  When you decide to take your life, or part of your life in a different direction, be ready for trying to pull your car out of those tracks, and be ready when it falls right back into them at first.  Try not to get discouraged, and just keep trying until you can drive away on a whole new adventure.

In working with others around finding the courage to change their lives, I have worked with people around finding the courage to get out of an abusive marriage, to go back to school for a career that they have always wanted to study, or to look for a new job where they might be happy.  Change does take courage and focus.  It takes time and planning, but it also takes patience.  These days, we want everything to happen now.  We have trouble waiting for anything.  Good things can happen when you have the patience and courage to try. Get out of your rut and take a chance.

Whatever your rut, if it’s time for change, plan for it, take the wheel, and yank your car out of it’s tracks.  Keep yanking until it’s free and you are free to change your direction in a way that will make you happy.  As you keep going, know that it won’t feel comfortable at first.  It will be scary and uncomfortable, but that is okay. It will be part of the process.  You might long for the days when things were predictable and you didn’t have to think about things all the time.  But remember that in the end, it will be worth it if it leads you to a happier place.