Parenting is probably the hardest job I have ever done. But it’s also one of the most amazing jobs I have ever done. Shaping a new person, teaching them every day, and watching them grow is something so very special. Being able to enjoy thier successes and help them through failures and defeat can be both amazing and heart breaking. Raising kids is hard, but a rewarding job if you make the choice to have kids.

Over the last year, raising kids has been hard. With COVID, everything is a mess and parents have to manage quarentines, virtual school, and an increase in mental health issues for kids. Most kids are social beings and need contact with friends, even if it’s drama, to feel better. Families have been living in close quarters, and there is no end in site, at lease not yet.

When I work with families, I try to stress keeping open communication. I also talk about being involved with them, knowing thier friends, and understanding what they are doing.   Parents have so much to teach their children about life and surviving as an adult related to money, people, choices, and so much more.  When your kids are born, it’s hard to think about all the lessons they have to learn, and as parents we get through what we can. Hopefully we have good communication and they eventually come to us to ask questions. That means we are headed in the right direction.

When I worked with parents in the past we talked about developmental stages and how parenting changes over the years. From about birth to 2, parents are God. They control everything, from what they eat to what they wear and when they sleep. As kids get olders, from 2-5, the goal is consequences. This is a hard time for many. Going through the Terrible 2s can try the most patient person. They begin to have opinions of clothing, food, toys, and so many other things. They learn the word no, and use it often.

For elementary age, parents become teachers, time keepers, and drivers. They may have to help their children understand bully behavior, friend troubles, and more conflict with others. By middle school, kids are becoming small versions of adults. They are managing hormonal changes, changes in friendships, and changing expectations at school. They can easily be overwhelmed by so many issues, and they need parents to be paying attention and involved, but not controlling.

By high school, parents are like prison wardens, just trying to survive until graduation. They are trying to keep their kids on track to graduate and move on to a future and independence. They are trying to help teens manage to understand self-worth and self-esteem. They are working on goals for the future, and trying to balance friends and work. Hopefully, the communication is still good and you can direct your kids as they try thier wings.

Hopefully, the next step will lead to independence. Working with your kids, and preparing them to be successful, is hard work.  It makes kids uncomfortable, and they will push back, but we as parents have to stay strong and push back.  My goal is for my kids to move out and be successful at whatever career they choose.  It is not my goal that my kids will still be living with me when they are 30, because I feed them, do their laundry, and pay for their food.

Remember that people won’t make things easier for your kids.  They won’t let them get away with things, and make it okay if they don’t follow the rules.  It’s not going to be okay if they are late, and it’s not going to be okay if they don’t do what they are told.  It’s not okay if they are disrespectful and they need to accept no.  Whether at school or at work, kids need to understand life and follow rules to survive. 

Being a parent is hard, and some weeks are better than others.  Being able to teach my kids about life is a privilege, but it’s a tiring, thankless job.   It’s important though, if they are going to be happy in the future.  If they figure out life, and how to be happy, it makes me happy in the process. That makes it all worth it and helps me be happy, for life.