So many times, people come to therapy with thoughts about relationships and divorce.  Getting married is easy compared to the commitment it takes to remain married, for better or worse.  I don’t think there is a couple out there who will tell you that marriage is easy.  There are times when things go wrong, and there are times when things are fun and happy.  When times are tough, it’s easy to consider leaving a relationship.  So if you are thinking about divorce, there are things you need to consider as you begin to make a choice to leave or stay.

                First of all, if there is violence, emotional or physical abuse, intentional isolation, or financial abuse, please get help.  Get emotional help, legal help, and any other help you need to get safe.  Dating can be a difficult time because you may not see the real person you will find behind closed doors.  Many times people believe that issues that come up while dating will not be an issue when married.  Many times things get worse, instead of better.  Please know that no one deserves to be abused in any way.  There is help, but it’s a significant reason for divorce.

                Other things may also be a catalyst to consider divorce.  I have had people in treatment trying to manage to reality of infidelity.  This is such a significant betrayal to the person who has been cheated on by a spouse.  The cheating spouse often doesn’t understand how the events can affect the other partner.  The simple act of infidelity challenges the married relationship, but it also often changes an ability to trust.  It can affect the relationship’s future, and for many, the event will continue in a relationship like a cancer.  I have worked with couples that have been able to recover from infidelity, but I have also worked with many who will never recover.  There are many struggles in a marriage that lead to divorce, but infidelity is a struggle that often leads to divorce.

                Another issue that often leads to thoughts of divorce is addiction.  If a partner has substance abuse issues, getting sober or clean may not be the only issue.  A relationship that was based on alcohol consumption may not survive on member getting sober.  A person addicted to food, and being overweight, can stop the addiction and lose weight, find new confidence and look at their relationship with new eyes.   Someone who has an addiction to porn, may struggle to stop the addiction, but their partner may struggle with the addiction itself.  Addiction is a significant issue and can lead to relationship problems and divorce. 

                Whether you are thinking about divorce for one of these reasons, or you have a different reason, thinking about divorce is a difficult time for everyone involved.  Getting married seems to be about the wedding, but staying married is about so much more.  It sometimes seems that people just like the wedding but note the work it takes after.  If you are thinking about divorce, consider talking to a friend who will tell you the truth.  Making decisions about the future is important, and can profoundly affect your happiness.  So if you are thinking about divorce, think about the dynamics.  It is a part of being happy, for life.