I have a new book review to share, and I am excited to talk about this one. I recently finished Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages; The Secret to Love That Lasts. It has been on my list to read for a while, so it was time to stop and take a look. The book introduces the five love languages that he finds significant through his work. I have heard more and more about love languages, and even thought about my own recently, so it was great to finally better understand his concepts and decide for myself what my love language is.

The book starts by talking about the stage of falling in love, the idea of a “love tank”, and how things change after the wedding. In the couple’s therapy I have been involved with, there seems to be assumptions about what wedded life would be like. As we know, there is no such thing as happily ever after. Marriage takes work and focus, and if left to its own it can fester and die. The book talks about the first stage of a relationship as the “in love” stage and indicated that it lasts about two years. That usually covers what has been otherwise called the honeymoon stage. He also talks about a “love tank” and being able to fill your partner’s tank by understanding and talking their love language.

That first stage of marriage, whether you call it “in love” or the honeymoon stage, is usually filled with the adrenalin rush of the wedding and just being in love. Many couples think that will sustain the relationship over time, but that is not the case. Once that initial stage wears off, the love languages that Chapman talks about become more important and can sustain a marriage for a lifetime.

The 5 languages that Chapman reviews in the book are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

The book does a great job of describing the languages, including illustrating each with real life events so I won’t do that here, but I will share some thoughts. I will admit that I thought I understood what each included, but I appreciate how the book illustrates each one. The book also talks about couples with different love languages, which was helpful. It’s more likely that couples have different languages, in my experience, and the books does a good job at discussing how to make that work.

After discussing the languages in detail, the book goes on to tie things together. It discusses love as a choice, including couples having to make the choice to love each other every day. Couples often forget that after the wedding, nothing is certain as they move forward. Without support and nurturing, love can easily die, and many couples that he talked about in the book found that to be true. He shared how couples he supported found their way back to each other and enhanced the relationship.

As I think about the book, it would have been helpful for me if he had illustrated a couple that made the choice to separate. The book doesn’t really touch on that scenario, or other issues like the health of each partner. It does touch briefly on relationships that include abuse but doesn’t talk much about those issues. Chapman seems to believe that all relationships, with two healthy partners, can be saved if the couple is ready to do the work and learn the love language of their partner.

I really enjoyed learning about the concepts of love languages and was able to determine what my love language might be. I appreciated the stories included to better illustrate each language and found the book easy to read and easy to understand. I would highly recommend it to any person or couple who understands that they need to work on their relationship.

The main recommendation I have to keep reading, this book or any other book with information that has meaning for you. There are so many books and so much information available to continue learning and growing as a person and a couple. It can definitely be a part of being happy, for life.