So much goes into living happily.  Consider your self-esteem. How you feel about yourself makes a difference.  Now, consider your level of confidence in overcoming hurdles. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the importance of self-esteem and confidence. The concepts are similar, but different. They change over time, and can be affected by trauma, life changes, and so much more. Understanding these concepts can help you feel better about yourself now and in the future.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem includes the way we view and value ourselves. We begin to develop self-esteem early in life, even as young children. It is shaped by our experience, our family relationships, our friendships, and other relationships over a lifetime.  Our experiences shape our internal dialog, and either help us develop supportive self-talk, or it increases negative self-talk. People with healthy self-esteem generally feel good about themselves. They believe they deserve respect and accept their flaws without harsh self-judgment.  They are more likely to excel at  skills and are more likely to succeed in jobs and relationships.

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, often leads to negative self-talk, self-doubt, and the constant need for external validation. Individuals struggling with this may avoid new challenges for fear of failure or rejection, which can limit their personal and professional growth.

What is Confidence?

Confidence is the belief in our abilities to handle specific tasks or situations. You might feel confident giving a presentation at work but less so when trying a new sport or meeting new people. Unlike self-esteem, which is more global and enduring, confidence can vary from one area of life to another.

The good news? Confidence is a skill, and like any skill, it can be developed through practice and persistence. Part of confidence is also understanding your own skills.  We all have different skills, including likes and dislikes.  I enjoy being a therapist and feel that my experience benefits others.  I would never offer information and suggestions to someone who was looking for a tax attorney, or a doctor.  Those professions include different skills that I acknowledge that I do not possess.

How They Work Together

When self-esteem and confidence are working together, they can enhance your life and increase happiness. When we feel good about who we are (self-esteem), we’re more likely to take risks and pursue opportunities, which builds our confidence. As we move through life, gaining experience, we find areas that and skills that help develop who we become.  Each small win builds the belief that we can handle life’s challenges, which in turn strengthens our sense of self-worth.

However, it’s possible to have one without the other. For instance, someone might be highly confident in their skills but still suffer from low self-esteem in their personal life. Think about people you know.  There are people who seem confident, but underlying issues like low self-esteem undermine their relationships. They may blame others for their short comings, and struggle to find a path that leads to success. Recognizing the nuances related to self-esteem and confidence is key to personal development.

Building Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem starts with self-awareness. Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: For many, internal negative self-talk can undermine self-esteem and confidence. Be sure you are aware of what you say to yourself, and make changes if needed.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. You’re allowed to make mistakes. They don’t define who you are.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries: Saying no when necessary and surrounding yourself with supportive people helps protect your sense of self.
4. Acknowledge Your Strengths: Everyone has strengths and skills to manage issues. Make sure you know what yours are, and review them often, especially when you are struggling.

Building Confidence

Confidence grows through action. Here’s how to give it a boost:

1. Take Small Steps: Acknowledge any progress as you develop new skills.  Learning skills you use in your career probably started in childhood. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t master a skill in a day.
2. Learn Continuously: There are always things to learn. Relationship skills, job skills, and general knowledge are all things we should continue to pursue.
3. Define your goals: Think about long- and short-term goals to better understand your journey.  If the goal is to learn to dance, you first need to find rhythm. With rhythm comes understanding the beat, and with the beat, you can understand steps.
4. Celebrate Progress: Recognize the effort you put in, not just the end result. Progress is more important than perfection. Even perfection isn’t perfect.

When self-esteem and confidence are in balance, we make better decisions, form healthier relationships, and cope more effectively with stress. We stop striving for perfection and instead strive for stability and growth. Most importantly, we begin to see ourselves not as flawed projects to be fixed, but as valuable human beings capable of learning, living, and being happy.

Understanding self-esteem and confidence is a lifelong journey, not a destination. It takes patience, self-awareness, and courage.  Life comes with ups and downs, but with confidence, you have the ability to remember that things will get better.  With self-esteem you believe that you have the power to make change.  Together, they help you understand how to move forward, even when things are stressful. You are worthy, capable, and stronger than you think. It’s all part of being happy, for life.